So this was not exactly what I had in mind for my first painting for the Art101 challenge.

I had this great idea for my painting. I wanted to call it Taking the Plunge, referring to the blog post where I had written about my decision to take the plunge and participate in the Art101 challenge. I would paint a cliff leading to a deep abyss. Then I would paint a female figure jumping off the cliff, into the dark unknown.

So far so good. I started painting the background and then added the cliff. For the cliff I made a collage of book pages which I used to symbolize the world and the worldly realm. Then while I was adding the last piece of paper, my eye was caught by this sentence that was written on it: “May I plunge into it?”. That was a huge surprise because I hadn’t read the texts on forehand.

Reading this sentence about the plunge and looking at the painting so far, I felt really in-sync and was happy with what I was creating.

After the cliff was painted, it was time to start sketching the female figure. And that’s where I got stuck. The thing is that I wanted to paint this figure jumping off the cliff, but I also wanted to give her a detailed facial expression. Because that is what I often like to do in my paintings. So that’s what I wanted to do now as well.

To cut a long story short, I think I tried eight thousand different poses and facial expressions, and started all over again and again. I got really frustrated, my inner critic was having a blast telling me that this showed I couldn’t do it and that the whole painting was just one big mistake, in fact that even this challenge was a huge mistake. My whole good feeling about the painting was gone and so was my sense of worthiness. No matter what I tried, me and my inner critic we just didn’t like it.

At the point that I was about to throw the whole darn thing away, I decided to take a step back and let go of all of my preconceptions about this painting. I took a deep breath and tried to get back in touch with the initial feeling in me that gave the impulse for this painting in the first place. And then I understood that I had to let go of all the fixed ideas that I had about the figure, that I should start all over again and just let the image arise by itself.

And then this whole new figure arose. I finally got it that I was trying to paint the figure too large, because I wanted to give her a detailed facial expression. So I let go and painted the figure a lot smaller, which suited much better with the size of the cliff and the dark emptiness in front of the figure. Out came this naked, sketchy figure. My initial idea was to paint a woman with a dress, but apparently she should be naked. Which when I came to think of it was indeed much more appropriate for the symbolism behind the painting.

It took courage. Courage to let go of my fixed ideas, courage to not paint all the details but to let the figure remain this sketchy, which gives it also a sense of movement. Courage to just let emerge what wanted to emerge.

So here it is. This is my painting, this is me. And I am taking the plunge – for real.

Taking the Plunge, mixed media (acrylic paint, collage, colored pencil) on canvas board. Size: 24 x 30 cm (9.4 x 11.8 inch). The original artwork is sold, but you can purchase a giclee print of it here.